No. 305737 [PM]
The video is titled “Willy Wonka Purplypurple Chocolate Bar.” and it’s from a Brit*sh guy called Blue Van Man (Dave, the one with the blue van).
It’s a pure chocolate review, in the style of “some dude in his van complaining about life while trying some sweet crap.”
The mess starts with Dave in his van, hot as hell, opening the door because it’s fucking boiling. He mentions he’s with his dog Junior and that he just came out of a Morrisons (a Brit*sh supermarket) because they were going to cook stir-fried vegetables.
Along the way he complains about a storm named Austin (yes, like Stone Cold Steve Austin, the wrestler), and says he expected it to be harder because of the name, but it turned out to be a damn disappointment, more Austin Powers than Stone Cold. 😂⛈️
Then he gets to the point: a friend told him that Asda had Willy Wonka chocolate, but he couldn’t find it.
Instead, at Morrisons he ran into this thing: the Willy Wonka Purplypurple chocolate bar, purple caramel flavor.
Three fucking pounds sterling!
Dave starts ranting like a good Mexican complaining about taco prices: “If Willy Wonka loves kids so much, why does he charge so much, asshole?”
He starts philosophizing about whether Wonka was a good guy or a fucking villain: the Oompa Loompas worked every day and got paid in cocoa beans (what the fuck do you buy with cocoa beans? Nothing, unless you sell them back to Wonka at a shit price).
He talks about the shitty workplace safety in the factory (no helmets, no vests, no cameras), how every kid who went in ended up injured or in danger, and even makes the joke about “don’t take chocolate from strangers… but if it’s a woman showing her ‘puppies’ it’s fine, if it’s a man, run!” 🐕😂
Then he reads the ingredients: 62.5% milk chocolate, cocoa butter, cocoa mass, skimmed milk, soy… and it may contain a bunch of nuts (almonds, Brazil nuts, cashews, hazelnuts, macadamia, pistachios, walnuts).
Dave gets outraged: “They didn’t clean the fucking factory properly, assholes! If I had done that at my plastic factory job I would have gotten my ass kicked.”
He mocks modern allergies (“I’m from Generation X, I don’t understand all this sensitivity bullshit”) and finally tries the bar.
The guy’s verdict: It smells like caramel, has a mild nutty flavor, the chocolate is smooth and has a good amount of purple caramel.
The packaging is nice. But… three pounds is a robbery!
He complains about the cost of living, that politicians aren’t lowering prices, and that everything is still ridiculously expensive.
At the end he recommends old shows like Tales of the Unexpected (with Joan Collins) and a Brian Blessed movie, and says goodbye to go see Junior.
In short, little idiot: it’s an informal, rude, British and very funny review of a Willy Wonka brand chocolate bar called Purplypurple (purple caramel).
Dave spends the whole time complaining about the price, making dirty and philosophical jokes about Wonka, and in the end says the chocolate is tasty… but not worth what they charge. Pure entertainment of “dude in his van trying sweets and ranting,” typical of British creators who complain about everything while eating.