/bs/ - backstory

All around here, green. The trees stand guard in their solemnity and look over us, like soldiers of nature. Thats how the town looks, stern, cold. Autumn morning it is, early in the month. It is only beginning to change, the color

Left, right, all around me either dirt or people… and I cannot decide who I prefer more. Maybe ocassional dog shit will keep me a better company than any of you. The shit you leave behind

No one on my way. Everyone disappeared without a trace, hopefully never to return. No one is walking on the street, no one is running or driving. Everything is standing still and I like it, I like it when none of your stupid faces can be seen

Then I look at the all the magnificence that is this town. Without any adornment, bleak and uninspiring. Dull, and makes dull everything by association. From around, all that is left are grey blocks and dog shit. And then the trees are watching over, looking at the still image of a disaster? Cataclysm? Armageddon? None of dat, and yet it looks like this town was just bombed yesterday, drones fell like rain and now only green remains, grass, nature, shrubs, countless number of weeds

I hate it. I hate it so much. To put my head on the rails, I would, but even the trains wont go now. Nothing goes, only birds fly. In the sky, azure sea. Infinite in depth, tune in and feel the wave after wave, wave and wave. And then just a little bit of clouds. They spread sparsely, not to hide the azure sea

Nowhere to go now. Busses dont go, escaping is futile. There can be only path now, home

I hate walks, I hate everything. And lately, Ive been feeling it back. Now Im convinced, everything hates me as much as I do it

Now that I go back, I think about some better days that couldve been. Staring in the floor, with head hanged down, I walk and think of life. Of how it was, and how in a more interesting world it all couldve been far better. And then I forget the train of thought and cannot remember. A good imagining that was. From the outside, it mustve been seen as nothing. But on the inside, there is everything

Or maybe nothing. Content slips from my mind and only words remain. Words, words, words, more words and nothing is understandable and no meaning can be extracted. There shouldve been something important but now Ive forgot. It just slips from my mind, and I dont know wat to think about

Perhaps, thinking about the fact that I can hardly think about something would help. That would be an idea, but no, this isnt interesting either. For some reason, Im prepared but for wat, I dont know. All that worry that couldve been,it just isnt there, I try to just forget and not think about it. And I dont remember now wat that it supposed to be

Now Ive walked up to the block where my home is. No one is sitting around. Entering there is only a menacing feeling inside. Lifts do not work, I have to take the stairs. When I ascend I see all the graffito and random words written all around. They mean nothing no more, it seems like everyone in this block has just left. Then, on my floor, I stand before the door to my home

And Im hesitating to turn the knob. Before, all those memories people write on the walls here, however stupid and bad they look, it is still something remember about. And beyond this door, there could be anything. If I turn the knob, the zoo can break loose, thunder and disaster at the same time. Maybe even deluge and untold violence. That never were, fantastical worlds that I imagine. One hundred years of imagining the future, the better things, better situations, better people, better everything. A better feeling than this could suffice but now it is useless to imagine. I know how it is, inside. It hardly can change on its own

I turn the knob and the door opens. No one is here. I close the door and Im finally, at home

It was a long walk, to be sure. Perhaps, the way Ive always walked. The same path. Ive thought all the same things, listened to many different music. At first. And then things just stuck and I liked those sounds, well, we all ready to listen to wat we like forever many times. It is not so bad outside, it is beautiful. Always reminds me that I live in a nature that couldnt be called something other than spectacular. It inspires me, to feel and to do anything. If everything really looked grey, really was just all grey blocks, I cannot imagine wat would I cling for in this situation

Life isnt so bad. Even though I cannot put my finger on wats important any more, Im convinced that there is something like dat. That I couldve said something that is important. Something interesting, something about myself. And yet, it slips from me again. Even though I feel happy. Im at home and this brings me happiness, it makes me realize how much do I enjoy everything and how much Im glad to be

Then, I take off my shoes. I walk inside and search for something. Something that Ive thought a lot about lately. And here it is. The mirror. And in it, I see myself