/bs/ - backstory

Cold. I need my firewood for to stay warm this winter, but my hand doesn't lift itself up from this chair. I didn't axe no wood, it is all outside, all round and alone, not ready. I'm in a slump, in the depression of my chair. Don't want to do anything, it is my day off now. But the cold bothers me so I must get up and make some firewood

Get up and ready, get my axe, get into my working boots and make the firewood. I split them into splinters. Always in two, then again in two, and then again in two. Divide, divide, divide… My head began spinning and now I'm lying on this snow in my yard. It is not so cold, though, it is snowing. And while it is snowing, it is beautiful. I don't want to get up now

Nothing to see here, just a row of houses, stretching very long. It is a small village, and all it has is a church somewhere. By the looks of it, there are no one in those homes, no light is seen in those windows(because of the curtains) and no presense is felt. Maybe they just don't like to hang out, or maybe they just don't know where. Summed up in one word, this place is ugly. When I look at the houses I don't see nice carvings or some plesant architecture. Instead I see wooden boxes where little Jerry the mouse hanged himself out of sheer desolate emptiness. It brings no good feelings, no nostalgia, no longing. My only wish is to light a match and burn it all to the ground but I'm not as courageous as dat. Not as bold as dat, I'm not ready to be the one to be told of time and time again as a mad maniac who put innocents under the knife. Looking at these houses and these roads and all of it, I don't believe there are innocents here. Maybe people hide because they are so ugly, or maybe because they are so guilty

And after the village there is life… Inside the village, there is no life. Only dust dat settled, but if only the dust could tell a story. But beyond the crater in the center, there is life all around it, wrapping the village around like a present or a gift. If trees are your thing then you gonna love dat, I'm sure, because dat is all there is… The place is so deep into the forest, it is effectively a prison. No one can escape it, even if they really wanted to, and no one really bothered to come to see their family either

Sometimes I dream of running by the road, by the forest, far and far. Maybe I'll be so fast, like a train, I'll see the nature moving in my eyes. From the thick forests to the rivers and plains where cows grase land. And then I'll get faster and faster, trying to see more and more, faster and faster, so fast dat I forget dat all the fuel in my tank is all gone now for the running and now I'm again in nowhere, again standing like a pole and looking at ice on the road

Night now falls onto this village. There are no lights, if you are not at home already then only hope you have if you didn't forget your pocket flashlight. Otherwise it is only you and dat big white dot in the sky dat sometimes likes to be full, sometimes not really. There are of course many more dots in the sky, I lied, but who knows wat do they mean or do. In this place, everyone is alien, everyone is somewhere there in the sky, flying on a rock, and when the night is over they are back in their bed. We are like dat, not like each of us little planets, no, we are not like dat. We are deformed rocks dat think dat we are human. Maybe we aren't really, but our hearts surely are. To live here you had to have such heart

For watever little firewood I had made, I can now remain indoors for today. There is no work, no occupation. Each of us receives some help from someone but I don't know from who or why. In my eyes no one here deserves anything more than this shame of being here already. Little mouses dat we are, in this little holes in the walls of someone. We didn't know who dat someone was, but one thing is sure, is dat wasnt a relief. I mean, this help dat we get feels more like punishment. It is like we were put into the corner for our misdeeds, for forever

Outside is a sunny day. Dat is not a rarity, but it is still nice to see some sunshine. Maybe dat all gold dat we have, first they gave away their mother's heirloom and now this yellow shines on us for the sacrifice we made. I look into the window and see a truly good day. Dat kinda day I on which I would like to go out, and I do. I go around the frozen lake nearby and in one moment I stand dazzled. Bewildered by sight, in the sky the heavenly light beams obscured by the clouds. Magnificence rains down my shoulders and I grab by my chest… and my heart isn't beating. It is a stone, and it is cold, and it weights me down

And then I fall into the snow. Head first, in the snow I lie. No longer will I see an another snow fall